Are somethings a lost cause?
This has been weighing on my mind for a while now. I have a person from college that I was VERY good friends with. We did everything together, and lived a few doors down from each other our the house. It ended up that our parents only lived 10 minutes from each other, so we spent the summers together also. She was one of the people I thought I would for sure have in my wedding party. Unfortunately, she became like a fantastic sweater that becomes a huge let-down. You know, the kind that the first time you wear it it is amazing, and soft and warm and comforting. After a few washes though it starts to pill and stretch out and fit awkwardly until you do not even want it on your shelf anymore.
I was there for her when her boyfriend of I do not remember how many years broke up with her. We discussed it every day for over a year, how could this happen to her? One day she was better off, the next she wanted him back. How could the world and life possibly be this terrible. There were tears to dry and stop every day, after 6 months I was exhausted from it and wondered if we would ever have a friendship outside of discussing this dead relationship.
Then I started up a relationship with Captain, and he was deployed shortly after. I worried, everyday, wondered if he would come back home… I had thought for a while he might be the one and I was not ready to loose that. She listened to my fears for a few moments (I did not share them often - only shared them when they got to the point that it was too much and I had to get it out) when ever we got together, but it always turned back to her and her problems. One day she actually told me she was tired of listening to me talk about my fear of if he would come home… conveniently around the time that one of his close friends was killed (awesome). She did not want to hear the complaints because she had a new boyfriend she wanted to talk about (I won’t go in to that).
Finally the day came when I stopped calling her. She hurt me so badly. I confessed something to her that I had told no one. It was big and scary and I just wanted to talk about it. She blamed me for for not telling her, saying I should have told her so she could make sure it did not occur in her world. That was the final straw, I could not handle the self-absorbed, self-serving attitude anymore. So I stopped calling, or visiting.
She got upset with me for dropping communication with her or seeing her.
I started to get over it a little earlier this year and we started talking again. Quick conversations when I knew I would have to get off the phone shortly. I saw her once. We live in different states now, so I never bump into her. But I go back often, and try to not advertise that to the wrong people.
A few days after we got engaged I called her. Told her we were engaged and described the ring. She did not even ask me how he proposed before the conversation turned to her and what was going on in her life… That was in May. I have not attempted to correspond with her since.
She called me yesterday during my law final. She wanted to “catch up”.
I do not know that I want to call her back. I feel badly because we were such great friends, and I start to think, maybe I have mis-interpeted some of her actions and should give her another chance…
Then I look at my Amazing friends in my life and think “why do I need her”?
